Does Fear of Failure Hold you Back?
Could fear of failure be standing in your way right now, as you contemplate making a change in your life, going after a goal, or realizing a dream?
Remember the old adage: "Anything worth doing, is worth doing well."? Although meant to inspire greatness and one's best, this saying may also be interpreted to mean "if you can't do it well, don't do it." Unfortunately so many of us fall into this trap and then limit ourselves in what we attempt to do, or who we attempt to be.
If you knew you could not fail, how would you live?
Would you live your life in the same way you are now, or would you change anything?
So many of us grow up believing that when we don't accomplish our intended goal, that we have failed and therefore are failures, and we embrace the failure as a part of our identity. When this is our belief, it makes sense that we'd go to great lengths to protect ourselves from such pain and therefore stop short of our goals before we fail.
So, how do we get around this? In coaching I work with my clients around two things:
1- Redefining the word itself, so that they come to know that the only true failure lies in giving up on oneself, while all other "failures" are recognized and celebrated as growth experiences.
2- Distinguishing the act of "failing" from the identity of being a "failure".
In addition to learning from their failures, I also encourage my clients to celebrate them as they work to push their limits, stretch their boundaries, and master areas of previous incompetence.
To get out of our own way and pursue a bigger life, we must embrace possibility and consciously accept "failures" as opportunities to enhance our learning, growth, and competence. Although we don't set out to fail, knowing that failure is an essential part of the learning process can help melt away the fear, and allow us to reach well beyond our perceived limits.
Remember that you fell many times in the process of learning how to walk or ride a bike. Without the fear of failure, you tried again and again until your goal of walking or riding a bike was mastered. Fear of failure is learned. As babies and young children we had not yet learned this fear and therefore "failed" repeatedly, never once feeling like a failure in the process. Just imagine what life would be like, if you still regarded failure from the perspective of a child who had no fear of it.
Just for fun, check out these famous failures:
1- Michael Jordan - cut from his high school basketball team, and then went on to lead the NBA and become one of the world's most popular and celebrated athlete.
2- Beethoven - his music teacher once told him that as a composer, he was hopeless.
3- Walt Disney - fired by the editor of a newspaper because he had "no good ideas".
4- Steven Spielberg - director of blockbusters such as "Jaws" and "E.T." dropped out of high school in his sophomore year. After being persuaded to come back, he was placed in a learning disabled class, where he lasted a month.
Now consider this question: "What would you attempt to do, if you knew you could not fail?" If you embrace our new working definition of "failure", true failure is actually impossible! So, I challenge you to open your mind and consider possibilities.
Take a moment to reflect on the above quote and dream of all you might do, or be, if the fear of failure were not standing in your way.
Go ahead, jot a few things down and allow those creative juices to flow.
If you're willing to "fail" in the process, knowing that you actually can't, taking action won't be so scary. In letting go of our fear of failure, we open ourselves to a whole new world of possibility!
|
